I’ve Got Some ‘Splaining to do to Ricky Ricardo

It happened again. I fell of the face of the earth for an unreasonable amount of time. I tend to cycle like this, and I really don’t understand why. Regardless, I’m back! And I’ve got some ‘splaining to do [props to those of you who know what that is referencing].

After my last post, things got a little crazy in my life. The Boy and I hit some rough waters in our relationship, mostly my fault, and well… Things just got too distracting for me. I didn’t feel like sharing anything that was happening…

The Primal Challenge fell apart not even a week in. It had a lot to do with the issues The Boy and I were having, but also work was crazy for both of us. So it was really hard to cook primally all the time. I definitely was in a phase of shame and embarrassment about how I was doing, and didn’t want to post to tell y’all that I was failing miserably in all aspects of my life haha.

Anywho, the summer ended with going to a new close friend’s wedding on Labor Day, and a surprise trip home courtesy of my boss. He called me one Saturday morning, and told me he was paying for me to fly home for a 4 day weekend for my birthday. Kind of a huge surprise, but it was the highlight of my September.

After I returned from my trip home, the weekend after the wedding, I really started my training for my 5ks in October. The Boy helped to train me, and I feel it brought us closer together. It allowed us to rebuild our friendship and work towards something as a team. It gave us some of the things I feel we were lacking, or had completely lost, for a while. We ran 3 times a week for about a month, and then work got crazy again for me. I didn’t get to train as much as I wanted, but I trained enough to feel like I could get by.

About a week before my first 5k, the Color Run in DC, set to be on October 21st, my mom told me about the Pumpkin Fest in my hometown (Keene, NH), and how they were making it much bigger than anything ever before. And before y’all think I’m off my rocker, I’ll let you in on a little known secret: Keene, NH is the first place to ever hold the Guinness Book of World Records for most carved and lit Jack-o-lanterns in one place, at one time. We had the highest record of 29,800ish pumpkins, for about 2 or 3 years. But… Boston got a hold of the idea one year (about 2 or 3 years ago), and beat our record their first try. Last year a town in Illinois got wind of it too. They beat us their first try as well. Keene’s city council decided to cut the funding for the Pumpkin Fest after Illinois beat us. There wasn’t supposed to be a Pumpkin Fest this year. Well… HGTV heard about the Illinois town and Keene having very similar records. They decided to hold a competition between the two towns, to see who could battle it out for a win. They had two of their TV personalities get involved, one going to either location, and they filmed what went down. With the extra funding, Keene was able to make it much bigger than ever before. So! Being a small town girl, I got very excited about this year’s Pumpkin Fest. I decided it was a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and passed up my ticket to participate in the Color Run 5k, and went home with The Boy to get in on the pumpkin action. [NOTE: The show HGTV was filming for is called “Pumpkin Wars” and airs on Halloween night on HGTV. Y’all need to watch it with me!]

The Pumpkin Fest turned out to be awesome. Lots of people, and LOTS of pumpkins (we carved 16 to donate to the cause!!). It was a little sad coming back to DC, since the weekend wasn’t pretty short. But it’s only about a month and half til Christmas. I can make it that long haha.

This weekend, yesterday to be exact, was D-Day with my training. I ran my first 5k ever at the Glo Run in DC. It went so, so, so much better than I ever expected it would. It was hard, and at times I didn’t think I’d make it. But I did. I didn’t run the whole thing straight because it was really hard to see in parts, but I ran most of it. Running this race gave me such a confidence boost because I ran the farthest I’ve ever run, and kept a pace I set at shorter distances. For me, I kicked ass. It has made me want to keep running, and keep getting better. I want to run a 5k one day without stopping to walk for a bit. I want to run 10 or 11 minute miles. I never, ever, thought I’d be a runner… And I’ve always wanted to be. This was a huge accomplishment for me, and I couldn’t have done it without The Boy. He helped me so much, gave me encouragement when I needed it, and pushed me when he knew I could give more. The sweat and tears were worth it. I’m hooked, and have big dreams for myself.

So that’s what I’ve been doing with my life since I last posted. I’m gonna get back on posting regularly, but it probably won’t be daily. To hold you over until the next post, here’s some photos of life since July.

Talk with you soon, peeps.

Peace and love.

xoxo

Mother May I? – The Passive Agressive Remark

Ohhh, mothers. How we can’t live with them, but we can’t live without them. Or can we? Sometimes it sure feels like I could go quite a bit of time without having to deal with mine. Just listen to that: “deal with mine”. The words already scream, “I hate my mother”, don’t they? Maybe it’s just me, but now that I’ve graduated college and lived on my own for a while, things have become quite different between my mother and I.

There used to be a time where I would do anything my mother would tell me to do without even thinking about it. Clean your room. Do the dishes. Get a haircut. Anything and everything she would tell me when to do it and how to do it, all the way until high school. High school! I know. I was a sad child. Fat and whipped (figuratively). Yayy me! No wonder I’m crazy..juuust kidding.. Kinda.

But then, something change. The Boy walked into my life. Yes, you got it. I fell for a boy. Everything about him I adored. Any idea or thought he had, I completely agreed with. A follower much? Yes, yes I was. But in the many years we’ve been friends, he’s pushed me to become my own person. He forced me to break out from underneath my mothers thumb and do what I, me!, wanted to do for the first time in my life. He empowered me to ask the questions: what does it matter what my room looks like? I’m the one living in it; I’ll do my own personal dishes, but do your own; and finally, no–I won’t keep the boy haircut anymore. He taught me it was okay to question what my mother told me because she was only human too and didn’t have all the answers either. Wow, what a shocking difference, huh?! My high school friends still tease me to this day about how I used to be. But it’s ok….I kinda deserve it.

Needless to say it wasn’t an easy transition between my mother and I. There was a lot of fighting, harsh words, nasty comments, and water works. I don’t remember now what the first thing was that pissed her off, but I do know one of the biggest fights was about me dropping out of the college she picked and going where I wanted to go. She refused to help  me finanically and I worked my ass off to pay for the first deposit. Once I was settled at school, and doing well, she finally warmed up to the fact that it was a good move on my part.

But she hasn’t liked me gaining independence. Not in the slightest. The passive aggressive remark has become her best friend, using it whenever she can to gain some ounce of control back over me. She does it to wound my confidence and hurt my self-esteem because those were the two things she lacked the most when she was my age. Even now, I think she still lacks them after almost 60 years of life. I only recongize it, what she’s doing to me these days, after therapy and anti-depressants and time away from her. I’ve learned there’s a pattern between her mother and her, and it was continuing with the relationship she and I had, until I stopped it. 

Now with me blabbering on about how our relationship sucks and what not, I want to make it clear: though I hate how she is and what she does, I do love her. She can push my buttons like no other person can, but I have the same effect on her. Just yesterday I was reminded of both why I love and hate calling her when I’m upset. I get some of what I need, and a lot of what I don’t. It’s always the way with us. C’est la vie. I will say this, I’m a litter terrified to be moving back in for a couple of months while I save up some money. I know we’re going to butt heads a lot and I’m not really looking forward to it. The stories I’ll have to share are sure to be entertaining in the least.